The DONUT Will Never Be Taxed

IT APPEARS THAT some academic lunatics in Merry Olde England want to tax carbon intensive foods to generate more funding for The Church of Global Warming (no real religious competition to His Hole-yness who just rolls over and blinks his giant hole... believers know this as the Cosmic Wink, the source of all humor and irony throughout the Universe).

Here on tiny Earth, we observe that donuts consume no special amounts of carbon, whether from wheat flour or sugar cane. Lots of Friolator grease, that's for sure! But what would a real donut be without it?

So please, you lovely Donutarians everywhere, be without sin as you consume your favorite donuts. You are not contributing to the Earth's carbon footprint and you won't be on some weird "naughty or nice" list when you get to the Heavens offered by those quaint monotheistic religions that probably don't even let their parishioners eat donuts.