 "...Throughout history... demonic possession has been a common misdiagnosis for all kinds of ailments... In retrospect, it is often revealed that many of these people suffer from disorders like schizophrenia or epilepsy... In recent years, stories of exorcisms involving people being beaten, poisoned, stomped, and starved to death have made global headlines."
Dr. Godley speaks: Dear Children of the D(o)nut. Do you feel possessed by demons just beyond your control? No, I am not speaking of politicians. If there is any exorcism to be done in this world, it is to to purge humanity of organized religiosity and it's Bronze Age approach to the Age of Information. Here at the Church of the Hole-y D(o)nut we perform no exorcisms. But we do enjoy watching the Catholics go at it! There's nothing like watching a solemn and salaried church worker in a plain black outfit (certainly nothing like the Christian Dior creations the Pope wears!) waving beads and screaming at some poor, confused soul while admonishing an invisible, nonexistent demon to exit the premises to remind us that there is far more value in life in worshiping The D(o)nut who never asks anything more of us than to exercise reason and common sense. Of course, centuries of reason and common sense don't erect magnificent cathedrals, so please be sure to Dough-nate on the way out. Remember, a full donation plate is a happy donation plate!
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"The Consumer Claims Tribunal was set up to allow consumers to file claims in a speedy and inexpensive manner... But it has seen some really strange cases... And one of the weirdest was when a man complained about a bomoh who apparently did not live up to the promise of chasing away spirits haunting his ailing father... The bomoh had claimed that the 70-something father was tormented by nine different spirits... the family forked out RM810 to the 'bomoh' to get rid of the nine spirits... As it turned out... the bomoh failed to cure the man's father even after nine treatments... The man said his father's condition worsened and he died a few months later." Dr. Godley: Fork over some dough for our Instant Exorcism package and we'll get rid of 100% of your spirits. We'll even throw in a free crucifix you can wave around in case the devil tries to sneak back in while you're watching reruns of The Adams Family. |
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