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Hello Fallen Friend

Welcome to the world's one-and-only universal, all-loving, hell and torture-free, user friendly, gender neutral, all-species inclusive, non-discriminatory and, most important of all... tasty religious movement.

Worship With Us

For we are a place of refuge for the righteous and the sinful alike.

For the worthy and the unworthy (who, frankly, are a lot more fun to drink with).

For the cheapskate tither and the big-spending donor (award plaque and ceremonial dinner not included).

Total Screw Ups Welcome!

Unlike some of those other giant, money-sucking religions we won't mention... you know, the ones that make you feel all guilty and undeserving just for being alive?

No matter how screwed up you may be right now, the Hole-y D(o)nut loves you and has already made a place for you in the Later Life.

See, we don't call it the afterlife like those other religions, since that kinda' sounds, you know, like you're pretty much dead already?

As a D(o)nutarian you never die, you just keep rollin' on through all of eternity!

The Ideal Religion

(Which Means Yours Is...?)

By loving the Hole-y D(o)nut and passing through His most Hole-y of Holes into the empty space we Donutarians call "all knowingness,"
you too can be saved, enlightened, forgiven of your sins, redeemed, cleansed, purified, sanctified, reborn all over again, lose weight, get smarter and sexier, and whatever else you require from the Universe.

DIG A LITTLE DEEPER!

For verily as we read in the book of Donations at verse $:100,000 the D(o)nut loveth a cheerful giver.

Good news! The more dough you give, the more love you get (we got that idea from Congress).

And remember, unlike those other gods who take Sundays off, His Hole-yness is always watching.

Turning to the book of Litigation 9:11 we grab our wallet and read that a politician could as easily pass through the eye of a needle as a rich man entereth the kingdom of Heaven.

To relieve you of this original guilt, we invite you to bequeath to us your entire estate.

Attorneys are standing by to assist (we rescued a few from Hell).

Besides, why should those big IRS-approved churches get all the money?

Our salvation is as good as the next guy's.

ROLL WITH US!

The time has come, dear brothers, sisters and variously engendered others, to shed those chains of fear, intolerance and forced participation in clothing and newspaper drives and join us.

Nowhere else will you find such a wide and splendid range of liturgical and clerical services, including:

Instant Indulgences & Absolutions
Buy your way out of Hell for less than a night on the town... or a luxury ocean liner, depending on the severity of your sins. Guaranteed to provide a blissful, eternal and worry-free afterlife. Limit one per full moon. Virgins not included.
Stick-On Stigmata
Join the tattoos craze and defile your body with your choice of custom stigmata representing the most sacred icons of your adopted religion: a weeping virgin, a snake in the garden, a thunderbolt, a cross or menorah, the Dobbs head, meatballs and spaghetti for you Pastafarians, whatever turns you on!
Rapid Religious Conversion Kit
Say you're a nice Methodist boy and somehow (...and this would be a miracle!) you've landed a date with a hot Jewish chick.

What do you know about Judaism? Right, about as much as a Catholic priest knows about the missionary position.

So buy our Rapid Judaism Conversion Kit which comes with a yarmulke, a plot summary of The Merchant Of Venice and a portrait of Jesus suitable for framing, except of course with his face all blurred out (the Mel Gibson option), and faster than you can say, "Chosen!", you're an instant Jew.

Careful though, conversion only lasts for four hours and you don't want to get caught reading the Bible back at her place at 2:00AM!
Theological Time Share
For those who would like to try a little more immersion in your next alternative religion.

Say you're a Buddhist and you'd like to try some Catholicism. You sign up for our seven-day Vatican Time Share and get to experience all there is to being a Catholic for one full week...

Genuflecting in church, dipping into the holy water, dipping into the altar boys (only kidding), enjoying those little biscuits and communion wine, telling your dirty secrets to a priest in confession, and lots more exciting stuff.

At the end of the week - POOF! - you're back in San Francisco... er, that is, Buddhism.

Click here to learn more

Our Lady Of Frigid AffAirs

In an effort to bring increased awareness to the now well-established downward trend in global temperatures (Brrrr!)... Dr. J. Darwin Godley today announced the consecration of a brand new chapel... designated The Chapel Of Our Lady of Frigid Affairs. read more >

A WORD FROM DOC GODLEY

Have you ever suffered an epistemological breakdown that left you stranded by the side of life's road, desperately thumbing a religious ride and hoping for a liturgical lift?

Perhaps in these vulnerable moments of deep, inner searching you've considered switching religions, or maybe just trying out a new one?

Good news!

Here at The Church Of The Hole-y D(o)nut our patented religious rotation let's you be a Baptist on Monday, a Buddhist on Wednesday, and an Atheist on Sunday (God's day off ;-).

Where else could you find the true meaning of life, beyond just the number "42" as Douglas Adams revealed to us in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy?

Perhaps it's time to make the switch to Donutarianism, the world's tastiest religion!

Q: Can you keep your current religion and be a Donutarian too?

A: Absolutely! You can even reserve a religion from another parishioner under our Theological Timeshare program.

While you're at it, be sure to subscribe to The Donutarian Digest and bathe your soul in riotous rants of ribald rectitude.

It's an exercise in naked (optional) self-examination that you won't want to miss!
Ontologically Yours,

Dr. J. Darwin Godley, D.J., D..U.I.

BREAKING NEWS: JESUS IS BACK... AGAIN!

Jesus of Nazareth, winner of the 33AD avatar reincarnation contest after beating out Buddha by a slight margin, has departed Heaven and returned to Earth, reincarnated as a tall, leggy blonde with ample breasts.

Nonbelievers suspect this to be nothing more than a ploy by a vengeful (but loving) god to stir up some interest in flagging organized religiosity.

In a play on words certain to electrify the LGBT community, Jesus now calls him/herself Shesus and plans to found a nationwide chain of steepled brothels where the faithful can gather on Sundays to celebrate the "second coming."

Skeptics suggest that the public is smart enough to see through this revelatory ruse.

History would suggest that the skeptics take another look at the Bell Curve.

Further big developments as they happen...

YOUR BRAIN IS A DONUT

It's true! But don't take our word for it. Read what some really smart scientists say!

donut_consciousness.pdf
File Size:	1675 kb
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Download File

INtroducing:
'Dark Donut'

Finally, we can be a real religion. Featuring real EVIL!! dare to click here

RELIGIOUS REFUGEES

Visitors from other religions (we like to think of them as spiritual tourists) want to know:

Is D(o)nutarianism some sort of evil satire? Absolutely not! We wouldn't dream of mocking other religions.

After all, why pile on when organized religion does such a terrific job of mocking itself?

FACT: The latest research indicates that millions are abandoning organized religion in droves.

Here at The Church of The Hole-y D(o)nut we offer religious refugees of all belief systems a new place to hang Their liturgical hats.

So welcome brothers, sisters and other gendered individuals!

The D(o)nut loves you!

CAN YOU FEEL IT?

The magic, the mystery? Most of all... the money!!?

The D(o)nut is all around you (that's because your body is actually a torus ... it's true, the continuous opening between your mouth and your anus is one with the Universe which makes you a human Klein bottle!)

Which means that his Hole-yness is both within you and without you at the same time!

As the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor, "Make me on with everything."

See, isn't that exciting? But wait.... there's more!

Believe it or not (and you do believe us, don't you?) the energy structure of the entire universe, from the microscopic to the macroscopic, is based upon the mathematical shape known as the torus.

Forget turtles... it's donuts all the way down!

Heck, those other so-called religions can't even come close.

The best they can offer are crusades, crucifixions and candles.

Here at The Church of The Hole-y D(o)nut, as The Walrus said to Saint John of Lennon who wrote down these very words:

"I am he as you are he as you are me, And we are all together."

See what we mean?

The UNIVERSE IS A DONUT!

THE END IS NEAR!

Dare to read this? Repent!

GLOBAL WARMING UPDATE

Is Earth really doomed?

Click here to eavesdrop as your favorite deity discusses cow flatulence with a colleague.

PEOPLE ARE SAYING...

"Variety is the spice of life, which is why I never grow tired of varying religions to suit my moods... and my wardrobe!!" - Eve Adams

"At first I thought this was some kind of joke going around. Get it, going a-round? But as I slowly stripped to do the laundry and felt the dryer vibrate, I knew He was with me." - Emily Firbush

"There really is only one God, and as a devout Donutarian I get to love Him a "Hole" new way each day!" - Angel Johnson

PERPLEXIUM:
Now Available!

Feeling spiritually stressed?

Try our new, over the counter sacrament: Perplexium!

Taken by Dr. Godley himself!

BREAKING NEWS:
Earth Isn't Flat!

But it isn't round either!
Read the truth here. Be the first on your block (or in your pew) to know!

DEEP Science And
The D(o)nut!

Science and the Donut
D(o)nut Flow
D(o)nut Consciousness
Zero Point D(o)nut
The Universe Is a D(o)nut!

His Blog

It's Not Every Day That Your Deity Writes to You.

Some deities we could mention haven't written in over 2,000 years!

For the latest insights and observations on life among the Normals, be sure to visit His Blog

(All content divinely revealed to Dr. Godley himself in moments of herbally enhanced super awareness.)

"What goes around, comes around." - Rotations 3.1415

"Donut do unto others what you would not have them do unto you." - Reciprocity 1: 1

How Those Big, Money Grubbing Religions See DONUTARIANISM

Salvation This Tasty Isn't Cheap!

Sadly, we don't get the big tax write-offs like those bronze age monotheistic guys or those new experimental religions with their cans, meters and special clothing.

It's all we can do around here to keep dough and nut together. So please be sure to donate on the way out. Get it? Dough-nate?

We accept donations in silver, Bitcoin and as a last resort, dollars and other worthless government money.

Speaking of "on the way out," don't forget to leave us in your will. A nice inheritance can go a long way towards keeping the evangelical skids greased.

Plus, we could use a new oil pump for the D(o)nutmobile which may be rolling into your community any day now.

Well, that's pretty much it. Feel free to poke around the website, read our terrific articles and enjoy yourself.

And never forget that His H(o)le-yness already loves you just the way you are ... not that you couldn't use a little improving, of course.

The Church of The Hole-y Donut