Was There Really a Beginning?
In the beginning there was Nothing.
Without time or space.
A total absence of Anything at all!
A big, fat void in which Nothing was all alone.
And so very sad.
And so Nothing created Something to play with and did set it into rotation.
And behold the most perfect of all geometric shapes was formed, the Hole-y D(o)nut, the great ontological orifice from which erupted all the energy that constitutes the 3-D space time the humans call "Universe."
And thus Donutarianism came to be: science and faith united, where Horus meets torus and there's enough dough for everyone.
His H(o)le-yness Arrives When We Least Expect Him
We see Him everywhere as a constant reminder of His omnipresence: on steering wheels, wedding (and nose) rings, inner tubes and hula hoops, Buddha’s Endless Wheel of Samsara, as web pages load.
And yes, at fine donut establishments everywhere.
Where other religions wish to "save" you, Donutarianism helps you lose yourself in deep spiritual contemplation of The Great Rotation.
TRIVIA FACT: Few people know that Led Zeppelin was sent to Earth to write Stairway To Heaven to prepare mankind for the coming of the His H(o)le-yness.
You've Heard of the Rapture?
Donutarians experience the "Rupture" when the very fabric of space time is torn asunder and believers experience cosmic consciousness (the Great (O)gasm).
Not to be "left behind" by those other religions, with Donutarianism you can be "left alone" to be with His H(o)le-yness in peace and quiet.
Best of All, D(o)nutarians Never Die
Where others "pass on" we pass through the HOLE into an alternate Universe in which all fantasies are fulfilled... like unlimited cream-filled donuts and you never get fat? Yes, we have our fables too. Ours are just tastier.
And while we would never be so crass as to suggest that our God is bigger than your God... that's the way it looks from here!
As mathematical proof, divide any number by zero (the sacred D(o)nut Number) and what do you get? Infinity! Which proves that there is no bigger religion than ours.
And how could this not be so when the sum is always greater than the parts, and D(o)nutarianism is the sum of all known religions combined, plus those yet to be invented!