Doc Godley's Blog
The Intergalactic Donut Times
Your #1 Source For Breaking Ecumenical News & Information
Reporting the scandals, the raids, the ripoffs and the write-offs...
Ace reporter: Faith Divine
In a stunning move your reporter is willing to believe about as far as she can throw her laptop, pop millionaire Justin Bieber is canceling his world tour because he's found... Jesus.
From The Daily Beast:
"This week, the pop star announced that he would be canceling the remainder of his Purpose world tour... taking a professional step back because he has 'rededicated his life to Christ'... Bieber 'may be even planning to start his own church'... Bieber commented... 'My faith grows everyday, so my faith is stronger than two years ago. I'm better, stronger, wiser... kinda'....”
Mega-churches are without a doubt the #1 way to suck in money from the masses, a phenomenon that may have caught the young heart throb's attention.
This could be a pretty smart move for Bieber who has already proven that a total lack of talent is no obstacle to raking in the big bucks.
Here at The Church of the Hole-y D(o)nut we warmly welcome competition like this.
Although we would warn young Bieber that if he gets a little too popular, His Hole-yness could alter Donutspace - yes, the very fabric of the Universe itself - into a new reality in which Bieber's legion of fans turns on him with torches and pitchforks, storms his stunning $80k a month Los Angeles lake house and tears him apart, limb from limb, like a scene from Braveheart.
Should this actually happen, Dr. Godley will of course deny any actual involvement.
For the time being, we'll continue to monitor Bieber's conversion to Christ for lucrative updates.
If his next world tour should feature the pop sensation being lowered onto the stage, strapped to a giant pulsating phallus in the form of a golden crucifix, our suspense will be over.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY SARAH ROGERS/THE DAILY BEAST