​Father Jerry and the Bizmarks

As word of DONUTARISM speeds around the globe at way beyond the speed of light, waves of adherents to various used religions are coming on board with his Hole-yness and giving it up for the Great Cosmic Center through which all mass, energy and flatulence must pass (but only if consuming toroidal bean burritos masquerading as The Great Orifice).

One of our newest adherents is Father Jerry from a secure underground religious worship center deep in Old Dixie where cotton fields of old have been replaced by WalMart parking lots and today everyone is an economic slave!

Father Jerry penned the following note just this morning via DonutNet, the secure, multiply redundant, triply reverse-proxy IP-encrypted VPN through which all electronic transmissions to and from Dr. Godley must pass. One can't be too careful with Hillary Clinton on the loose. 

Here's Father Jerry:

"Whilst sniffing around the bakery department at my local WalMart yesterday I came upon a most wondrous construct... sitting innocently amidst a wide variety of donuts as we earthlings know them, and curiously labeled a "Bizmark".

"Feeling as if a door to higher consciousness was about to open, I reverently opened the box and, glory be!, beheld six (...count them, 6!) Bizmarks all enshrined therein, each filled with diabolically delicious bavarian custard creme to tempt the palate of the weak.

          "For the weak shall know temptation and it shall fall upon them
            as like unto a teenage boy entering a harem." -- Rotations 3.1415

"But lo and behold, the Bizmark is without a hole! 

• Is this a blatant attempt at sacrilege? 
• A mockery of the doctrine of Quantum Nothingness?
• A devilish dilution of the purity of the Divine Doctrine of Donutarianism? 

"Since Donutarianism is an all-inclusive, philosophically unbiased, gender neutral, user-friendly, trans-national, politically atheistic and universal faith that holds both rational and non-rational forms of thought in equally high regard, I decided to meditate on the question at hand.

"And as my mind began to rotate I received a most glorious revelation.. that there exists deep within Donutarianism an inner circle of esoteric knowledge that the rank and file know not of.

One enters this inner circle via an appropriate donation:

1)  Preferably to Dr. J. Darwin Godley personally (if cash, in a plain envelope, otherwise please use Bitcoin from somewhere within the former Soviet Union). Include with your order Dr. Godley's private passcode: "Bite Me" 

2)  If you absolutely must, to the bakery department at your local WalMart, an economic black hole that just as sure as you're sitting there will suck the life blood right of your local economy like some kind of corporate, retail vampire. But that's a horse of a different color. Back to Father Jerry...

"Esoteric knowledge of the Great Hole-y O-Gasm is revealed the moment one bites into the soft and creamy goodness of a Bizmark. I opted to make multiple donations to WalMart's bakery in order to obtain as much Bismark knowledge as quickly as possible.

"My revelation was further elevated upon noting that there is no hole in a Bizmark from whence bavarian custard cream could leak(!), thereby rendering it a sacred confection superior in design and construction even to nuclear reactors and baby diapers from which verily there is often leakage; of the most radioactive kind from the former, and of a most malodorous kind from the latter.

"Clearly, there is no way to out-think, out-smart or out-roll the DONUT.

"My eyes glazed over as I resolved to increase my knowledge in days to come by consuming multiple boxes of Bizmarks, each to be eaten in meditative gratitude for all the joy that His Hole-yness continues to provide me.

May He rotate forever!"

---