Salacious types have asked a question that no real god should ever have to put up with.
Does His Hole-yness ever go to the bathroom?
You know, number one or number two?
Or maybe number 6,558,934,584,390,189,487,558,745,684,518?
And if so, how?
And while we're on the delicate subject of Donutalia, does He, you know, reproduce?
If it's true that size matters, how did Zeus measure up?
From what we hear, Athena wasn't too happy about it.
Could all of those lightning bolts have been an attempt to put a little charge into their relationship?
Then there's The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
His Noodliness seems pretty flaccid to us.
Maybe old age is catching up with him?
Then there's Yahweh, second runner up in the 2018 BC Celestial Cage Match against Pan and Gaia.
But it wasn't a fair fight.
Pan kept disappearing and Gaia stayed rooted to the Earth, weighing in at 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons.
Who's going to lift that?
Back to our opening question about His Hole-yness and his "you know what."
Well, all we can say is it's big.
Like, really big.
Big enough to father every sentient being in the Universe.
Wait a minute... He did that already!
See, there's your proof right there.
Yes, that big.
But wait a minute, is His Holeyness heterosexual or homosexual?
Or maybe He identifies as one of Facebook's other 40 genders?
The answer, Dear Pilgrim, is that His Hole-yness reproduces through parthenogenesis which requires no other partner (and no chance of divorce!).
All he has to do is think about another copy of himself and another Universe is born.
Physicists take note: this explains string theory (talk about religions!).
Parthenogenesis is something you can do all by yourself, alone in your room with the lights turned down low, and without growing hair on your palms!
And since it's just you and you alone, size does not matter.
In fact, size would be a hindrance since you wouldn't be able to mate with the smallest creatures in the Universe which are the species momreccosnacirema from the planet Erawrepput in the Yrallihlive star system and known to have a brain just one Planck unit in diameter.
We hope this clears things up for you.
We have learned:
1. That His Hole-yness comes in second to no other god in the "size matters" department;
2. That He is actually bisexual (in the most literal of ways);
3. That the multiverse has finally been explained for physicists and other mere scientists who may be sitting in their rooms with the lights turned down low and getting really excited from reading this web site and learning the truth about The Big Bang.
What we all want to know now is... what happens when the Universe starts to shrink?