Donutarianism
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The Glimpse
Donutarians believe that the worshipful eating of a donut in a ritualistic ceremony with other Donutarians summons Him forth into our lives. This is known as...
The Ritual of the "Glimpse" The faithful gather together around a table that is round (naturally), place a fresh donut at the center, hold hands in a circle (of course) and say a brief prayer to call Him forth. The prayers is short and sweet. "Oh HOLEe-y D(O)NUT, be with us now at this time of our temptation!" The fact is that everyone has their eye on the donut and is preparing to eat their sacramental portion just as soon as they can get their hands on it. Note that fresh donuts only must be used, lest He be offended and bring down upon us a pox of bleeding carbuncles. Sorry, we got that confused with traditional monotheism. Atheists are quick to point out that not all donuts have circular openings in the center as proof of the fallacy of Donutarianism. The faithful counter that He causes this to be done on purpose in order to test us. So there, take that. Each parishioner must now, in turn, pick up the donut and peek at a fellow parishioner while looking through the hole in the center. The fellow parishioner thus observed must verify eye contact by making the universal "OK" sign with their thumb and fingers. This perfects the ceremony known as the Glimpse* and sanctifies the Holey Space within which He manifests Himself. * College students can be seen performing this ritual at fine donut establishments everywhere. Once every person seated around the table has Glimpsed every other person, the the Ritual of the Glimpse is complete and the table is forevermore referred to as an "altar." |
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