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Missionary Position
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?" Throughout the centuries, missionaries of all faiths have humped it around the world to bring their particular brand of one, true religion to unwashed (and often naked!) heathens in private parts of the world everywhere.
This wide spread delivery of peace and love to non-consenting infidels often required armies to accomplish, especially when the unenlightened weren't inclined to take such gaping intrusion lying down and girded their loins accordingly. Which leads us to inquire: What is your favorite position on missionaries, Dear Reader? Are you in favor of missionaries being positioned in foreign lands to inseminate hearts and minds everywhere with divine pieces of aspiration, and add these new tithers to the bottom line? Perhaps your church is not quite this adventurous and merely requires your children (young boys only) to wear a clean white shirt and ring doorbells? Or have young virgins walk up to strangers at bus stations and offer them a smile and a carnation? Dr. Godley is not one to fool around and get caught! So let's get right to the bottom line and make a clean breast of things. Here at The Church of the H(o)le-y D(o)nut we maintain a rigid position on missionaries. We call this our Missionary Position as laid out in a penetrating paper by Dr. Godley himself. Unlike those other religions that go for a full frontal assault, the thrust of our position is not to take religion right up the middle, but to sneak around to the back door and enter gently. After all, why use a battering ram when a pair of knockers is in plain view? Whatever you conceive your favorite position on missionaries to be, Dr. Godley would remind the upright member that no matter how long you try to extend your membership, things can sometimes come up a little short. So don't be too hard on yourself. Rise up with the D(o)nut, go for the hole-in-one and give it everything you've got! |
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