He constantly annoyed his little sister and left whoopie cushions under his grandmother's sofa cushion just like young boys everywhere.
Never did his parents dream that one day their only son would grow up to found the world's one and only, all-healing, nonsectarian religious movement.
For the truth is, "J.D." did not start out life as an avatar. He did not astrally project into this universe from another place and time. He was not sent to earth to rescue mankind.
He was born behind an oil refinery in a housing complex in Paramus, New Jersey.
But isn't this how all great visionaries start? You know, humbly? Born in a manger? Found floating in a basket? That sort of thing?
Then... at the age of ten... a miracle happened.
J.D. was walking home from school contemplating the meaning of it all (George Carlin's explanation about plastic would come years later) when he happened to look into a rain puddle and spot a freshly discarded donut whereupon his eyes immediately glazed over.
Get it, glazed over?
But this wasn't just any donut. This donut wasn't absorbing water from the muddy puddle and dissolving into a greasy mess of dough and chocolate coating (the true meaning of Dissolution), but was actually growing larger!
This was a donut's donut... a Schwarzenneger of a donut, a donut that lowly bagels everywhere could look up to.
Truly, a donut that J.D. could roll with (you see, young J. Darwin wasn't too stable to begin with).