Donutarianism
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Beliefs To Go
As a discriminating individual you no doubt do your homework when shopping for cars, houses or plasma TVs. Surely your choice of a religion merits equal attention. After all, how do you know that your current religion offers the best selection of features until you comparison shop? In order for my god to be omnipotent and have absolute power and control over absolutely everything, including your god, your god must therefore be less than omnipotent. Of course, the opposite is also true. Clearly, we have a problem because it is obvious that no two gods can be omnipotent at the same time. Of course, there is the possibility that each of our gods could be quasi-omnipotent, but that would work only if they agreed, like the Mafia, to stay out of each other's territory since it would be impossible for both of oujr gods to be simultaneously omnipotent in any areas where their quasi-omnipotence overlapped. Do you see? Perhaps as most do, you believe what you believe because of where you were born, or what your parents believed. That's perfectly logical, right? Well, not so much the logic part, but certainly the situational aspect. After all, how many Cargo Cultists can there be in New Jersey? What are the odds you'd end up a Quaker in Las Vegas? Or a Buddhist in Monte Carlo? The terrific news is that there are lots of great religions on this planet to choose from. Some are circumcision-free. Others have really terrific outfits while still others worship on Saturday which is great if you have to work on Sundays. And for those who fear death, you'll be pleased to learn that many religions have no hell at all! Beliefs to Go... We Donutarians have the greatest respect for the world's many diverse religions and belief systems. So much so that we think they should all be given an equal chance! Thanks to our "HOLE-istic" approach to supernatural selection, we offer you an easy, convenient way to sample other religions and see which one you like best! The "United Nations of Religion" We offer parishioners a fresh choice of competing faiths, gods, heavens, hells, angels, devils, scriptures, catechisms, rituals, salvations... even clothing drives! Do you like to worship naked? No problem, we've got you covered! (sorry) Never been a Roman Catholic before and loaded with guilt? Become a Confucianist and smooth your vibe! Tired of being a Pagan! Go Pastafarian! Switch from Universalist Unitarian to Atheist in less than 24 hours! Welcome to the world's only full-spectrum, non-discriminatory, all-loving, all-accepting, non-torturing, all gender, equal worship opportunity religion. No matter what today's flavor of religion may be, you'll find friends and comfort here. You're welcome. |
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