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Quantum D(o)nut
Particle physicists and other mere scientists admit to remaining deeply puzzled by the utter weirdness of quantum physics.
If you have two refrigerators and you know there's a beer in one of them, is that beer in both refrigerators until you actually open one of the the doors? Niels Bohr, known as the father of quantum mechanics, once stated: "Anyone who is not shocked by the quantum theory has not understood it." Famous physicist Richard Feynman chimed in, "I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics." Not to worry, Dear Reader. If your brain has become entangled trying to understand quantum physics, we'll straighten it out for you right now. Interference We all know that you can beam a single electron at a pair of slits and it will somehow pass through BOTH slits at the same time, thereby creating an interference pattern on the screen behind. So what's new? A guy can be dating TWO women at the same time, be deeply entangled with both, no interference at all, and everything is fine as long as they don't know each other. However should either female block the entrance to ONE slit (scientifically speaking, of course), the guy's energies now become directed at the remaining slit (since he is, after all, a guy) until the other female is completely satisfied. Open up access to BOTH slits again and the poor guy doesn't know whether he's coming or going. This also explains why females will let you enter their 'holiest of holies' before actually getting married, after which entanglement may be conditionally denied. Randomness How about randomness? Randomness is only random when unobserved. But randomness is not chaos. Chaos is, well... chaotic. Like white noise, cosmic background scatter, and a car full of girlfriends. Especially hairdressers. Once you observe random, it ceases to be random. This is explained by the principle of the Quantum D(o)nut. The hole appears to go all the way through until you try to enter it. Once you try to enter the hole, there is no hole! Uncertainty Then there is the observational conundrum known as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle which states that both the position and velocity of an object cannot be measured at the same time. Observe a particle and you can know it's location, but not it's movement. Or you can know it's movement, but not it's location. Once two particles are quantum entangled at a distance, however, if you observe either particle, the wave function collapses, thereby causing the other particle to stop communicating. Again, what's the big mystery? Once TWO girlfriends accidentally get to know each other, if you observe that ONE looks particularly nice this evening, the OTHER ONE files a restraining order against you, after keying your car and leaving a bunny in your pot. How About Heaven And Hell? Could Heaven and Hell possibly be entangled in some deeply religious way? This could create a real nightmare for exorcists. Is it possible for a soul to pass into both afterlives at the same time? What if you find yourself in Heaven, sitting around on a cloud discussing fund raising with Pat Robertson? All of a sudden, and quite by accident, you snap out of it and stop to look around. You suddenly realize where you are, the celestial waveform instantly collapses, and you find yourself alive again! And not just alive, but working at a car wash in Hell, Michigan. In Conclusion The easiest way to understand the quantum realm is simply this: Twice is nice, It takes two to tango, Three is a crowd, And I'll second that! We hope this was helpful. We help this was hopeful. |
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