Donutarianism
Menu
Death and The DONUT
Get too close to organized religion with its torture, damnation, purgatory and hellfire and you can almost smell the sulfur and burning flesh!
Yes, friend, there is death in the air! Everywhere you look (or sniff!) it's death, death and more death. So why all the fixation on death and dying? Why the black robes and candles? Why the black funeral crepe and creepy catacombs? Why are millions of devout Christians dying for the end to come suddenly? To be whisked away to salvation, with the rest of us "left behind"? Are they really that eager to get the hell out of here? One might even suspect that all of Christianity is one giant death cult! But... isn't that why religion was created in the first place? To provide the fearful and superstitious with some vague hope of outsmarting the Grim Reaper with "life after death"? But what kind of afterlife would this be if you found yourself stuck for all of eternity in a paradise of simpering souls... doing what? Sitting around on clouds strumming harps? Not allowed to peep in on unsuspecting relatives? Playing shuffleboard with Jesus? Where is the fun in any of that? For truly, brothers and sisters, without sin there is no life worth living! "There ain't no life nowhere." - Jimi Hendrix For it is sin, sin and more sin that makes the world go 'round! Gambling, adult beverages, recreational drugs, flirting (and beyond!) ... who could ask for more?! But, sorry... None of this will be allowed in Heaven where all bets are off, only holy water is served, smoking is not allowed and you will be lashed for all of eternity into a straight jacket of pious morality and made to watch movies starring attractive people in their birthday suits engaging in activities which might lead to reproduction, even as your hands are strapped to your sides as a guilty reminder of what you are being saved from! To which Dr. Godley asks, wouldn't you rather convert to Donutarianism right now? |
|